This is another entry from me that won’t advance the narrative at all. It is being written under the influence of a fairly comprehensive hangover, as a means to distract me temporarily from feeling gross. Just how comprehensive a hangover I have is in fact the subject of this post. I’ve decided the world needs a way to classify hangovers and their severity – a Richter Scale for hangovers, if you will.
For example, that vague, fuzzy-headed hangover you have upon waking that can cured by a big gulp of water and a strong cuppa is a 1.0 on the scale. One that proves resistant to water, tea, berocca and paracetemol, and leaves you feeling somewhat mentally deficient, would be a solid 4.0. On the other hand, one that renders you a nauseous, trembling wreck unable to even smell, let alone eat anything, one that sees you spending dark, harrowing moments by the toilet in a cold sweat bracing yourself for a vomit, that would be at least an 8.0.
I think today’s is around the 3.0 mark – it’s just possible that the combination of berocca, weed and Earl Grey is starting to have a positive effect… maybe. Nonetheless, like the Richter scale, the hangover scale would be exponential: a hangover of 5.0 being ten times worse than a hangover of 4.0. So, being caught up in the thrall of a 3.0, as I find myself today, is not a pleasant place to be.
The explanation for my hangover and a general update on the goings-on at Port 80 will be forthcoming. Just not today… Due to the state of my brain, I am having a lot of trouble coming up with a suitable name for this scale. I was considering “the Stoli Scale” or “the Screwdriver Scale” in recognition of some of my favourite tipples, but neither of those seem quite right. So, I am opening this up to the floor – name suggestions on a postcard please. Meanwhile, I am going to throw some food at my 3.0 and see what happens. Wish me luck.